By the time we’ve passed the half-century mark, we’ve pretty much settled on our preferences and dislikes. We can rattle off our favourite colours, foods, television shows, hobbies and a hundred other facets of our lives and, once these decisions have been made, we generally remain unshakable in our choices.

Of course, most of us also find a life-partner somewhere along the way to our fiftieth birthday to whom we become as habituated as we do to our other choices. ”We” supplants “I” as our personal pronoun as we become half of a couple and change our preferences to match those of our partner. We readjust habits in an effort to please our significant other and make daily compromises to smooth out the bumps in the relationship. And then the day comes when we suddenly find ourselves on our own again and are back to the single life.

Now what happens to our habits and preferences? Do we revert to our original choices or retain those acquired during our couple-hood? In most cases, we end up with a little of both, largely depending on the reasons for the change in status. If we were widowed, we’re more likely to cling to the things we enjoyed with our partner than if we’ve gone through an acrimonious divorce, in which case we probably opt to dump the baby <i>and</i> the bathwater.

What next? Well, you’ve made a start: you joined an age-appropriate dating site and are beginning to scope out the possibilities. You’ve decided on a new beginning and a clean slate, with no preconceived notions, no prejudices, no hampering old habits. Question: do you find your eye straying to the same type of partner from whom you parted? Or have you really decided to make a major change?

There is no right answer to this question. It is posed simply to show you whether or not deep-seated preferences and habits can be changed or if the “can’t teach old dogs new tricks” saw holds true in your case. If you truly want to break out of your comfort zone, ignore the profiles that initially attract you and look for something entirely different. If your preference is for the professional, check out some of the blue-collar types; if you’re drawn to the slim physique, see what the more portly may have to offer. Examine profiles that you would ordinarily ignore, try to look behind the words and take a chance on someone like nobody you have ever known before. Admittedly, it could turn out to be a disaster; on the other hand, it could be the match made in heaven that you’d never have found if you hadn’t mustered the courage to break some of those old habits.

It can be hard to be single and content at the same time since it is human nature to want what we can’t or don’t have. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t a happy medium to be found when we are on our own however. There is a difference between being single and lonely and single and content. It is still possible to be single, with numerous meaningful relationships that don’t have to evolve into full time romantic relationships that would place us outside the category of single. And being single can bring with it numerous advantages, the most important of which may leave us quite content to remain with the “single” title.

A Lifestyle without Compromise
Sure, almost all of us have to compromise in life whether we are single or not. There are rules to follow, laws to obey, jobs that must be held down to earn a living, and a general structure to society to which most of us choose to adhere. However, being single can reduce some of the situations in which we must compromise; situations that can greatly affect our happiness and well-being. Where we live, how we live, and with whom we live may all be sacrificed in order to maintain a relationship. We could very well end up surrendering our life’s true goals and dreams to make someone else happy, leaving us to wonder what could have been.

Freedom to Explore
Freedom to explore doesn’t just mean being able to hit the road or take a vacation whenever the mood hits, although this can be one advantage of being single. The bonds of monogamy can be inhibiting to how and with whom we explore new relationships. When we’re attached to someone, feelings of jealousy, insecurity, anger, and fear, can affect how we interact with other people. Whether those feelings, either within ourselves or our partner, are justified, they can still restrict the way in which we handle ourselves around others and especially affect our ability to interact freely with members of the opposite sex. Being single may allow us to participate more actively in fulfilling relationships with men and women alike without someone looking over our shoulder or us feeling guilty about having spent too much time with someone we find interesting.

Relationship Responsibility
Maintaining a relationship can be a lot of work and may actually be viewed as quite a large responsibility. Keeping someone else happy and satisfied, understanding and catering to their whims and desires, and combating the constant urge to just be selfish and do what we want to do, can quickly grow tiresome, especially if we are often on the giving end rather than the receiving. When we are single, we can take care of ourselves, still participating in relationships that provide the proper or needed amount of attention and human interaction, but don’t leave us feeling exhausted or used at the end of the day.

According to a recent article in The Daily Mail, one in four of all the 39 million internet users in the UK are over the age of fifty due to the fact that over a million over 50’s went online for the first time in the past twelve months.

This boost to the number of silver surfers has been brought about by sites specifically designed for the wants, needs, and lifestyles of the more mature adult population.  There are new websites, and there are those in already in existence which  have been modified or expanded to cater for the many interests and the outlook of those who are over half a century old but who feel as young as ever.

Here at Love Generations we’re ahead of the game.  We long ago recognised that there are literally a million or two people out there over the age of fifty who are single, full of life and looking for new partners.

Now, as these new people join the internet generation there are many more reasons to become a member and to upgrade your membership.  It looks like the over 50’s are going to be busier than ever!

Hopefully, the photo you have selected for your profile is 1) recent, 2) clear, 3) flattering but accurate and 4) depicts the real you. In other words, when you meet an on-line connection in person, (s)he should be able to recognize you from your picture. For heaven’s sake, don’t make a drastic change in your appearance just before meeting someone, like growing a beard or changing your hair colour. If a woman is expecting to meet a silver fox, she will be taken aback by a patent leather pompadour. By the same token, if you’ve gained a few pounds since your picture was taken, make that clear before meeting or, better still, update your photo.

Now that you’re satisfied that you’ve chosen the right shot, it’s time to express yourself in words. There are a few things to keep in mind when composing your profile, some of which are essential, others of which should be kept under wraps until you’ve made a personal connection (and maybe not even then).

Since this site is designed for those of us who have passed the half-century mark, anyone reading about you can probably infer that this is not your first time around the block, so you should state your status honestly, but briefly. In other words, if you’ve been married as often as Elizabeth Taylor, labeling yourself “divorced” is sufficient for now. Few people, of either sex, are captivated by potential partners who consider divorce to be a hobby. Be truthful about your age, too. After all, if you’re sixty, wouldn’t you rather have people admire your youthful looks than to think you’ve lived a hard life if you tell them you’re only fifty?

The same goes for other aspects of your written profile: better to downplay than exaggerate. After all, anyone would rather be pleasantly surprised than miserably disappointed at a first meeting. Additionally, be as honest with and about yourself as you can. This means that even if you were captain of your rugby team forty years ago, describing yourself as “athletic” today might not be as accurate as you wish it were. And ladies, even if you’re only a metre and a half tall, don’t say you’re “petite”, if you weigh fourteen stone. Your self-description should be as current as your picture, so the phrase “I used to be…” is not pertinent at the moment. Of course, if you are a former Member of Parliament or were once the Ambassador to Lithuania, it might be worth mentioning (although, if you are, what are you doing on an Internet dating site?). In other words, unless something in your past makes you truly unique, going into details in your profile is unnecessary. Save the big guns for a face-to-face encounter.

More important than the actual words in your profile is the tone in which you write them. If you’re feeling depressed and sorry for yourself, this is not the time to express those emotions. Desperation is not attractive, except to predators. Assume that everyone has a sad story to tell; after all, nobody can live this long without encountering some tragedy along the way. In view of this, save the unhappy details for a personal exchange and don’t expose your vulnerability to anyone who can read. Keep in mind that there are always con men (and women) who scour personal information for the express purpose of finding those needy people who are easy prey.

In short, keep your profile upbeat and cheerful, reveal just enough about yourself to be interesting to the kind of person you’re seeking and, above all, remember that the watchword is “safety first”.

As the old saying goes, “You only have one chance to make a first impression”, so the photograph you use on your profile is of utmost importance. You can, of course, look through your albums and select one you like, but if it’s more than a few months old, it won’t represent the you of today. Better to take one especially for the purpose of showing prospective dates your most appealing current self.

(The following is addressed to the ladies, so if you’re a man you can either ignore the rest of this article, or learn a few tricks of the female trade).

Before getting in front of a camera, apply fresh make-up. You should use a heavier hand with the face-paint when having a picture taken, because the bright light necessary for a good photograph tends to wash out colour and will make you look less vibrant than you would like. This is not to suggest that you end up looking like a clown, but you might want to select slightly darker shades of foundation, blush and lipstick and add a couple of extra layers of mascara and eye shadow. If you’ve ever seen an actress in stage or film make-up outside of the lighted stage, you’ll understand the need for this deepening of colour.

As for your hair, it can either be your crowning glory or the bane of your existence. In either case, it can make or break your picture. It should frame your face, but not overshadow it, complement your features without being obtrusive. If you colour it, which is almost a given, considering that we’re all over fifty, make sure your roots aren’t showing and that the colour is clear and fresh. By the way, this is not the time to experiment with various tints. A drastic colour change will make you unrecognisable to yourself, and you can’t come across as natural if you aren’t accustomed to a new persona.

If you’re grey, a silver rinse does wonders for adding a polished look to your locks. Of course, if it isn’t too big a stretch from your normal lifestyle, a trip to a good salon for a professional ‘do will not only make your photo better, it will make you feel better, too. At the very least, before that shutter clicks, give yourself a good shampoo, curl it up or sleek it down, pin it up or let it flow, as long as you’re coiffed in your most flattering style.

Of course, there’s no reason not to take several shots with several different hairstyles, to give yourself a choice of looks. Depending upon the kind of man you’re seeking, you can appear simple or sophisticated, girlish or mature, city or country. Your hair can speak volumes about you, so be sure it’s saying what you want prospective dates to hear!

Recovering from a messy break up is never easy, and the complicated emotions that you experience at the end of a romantic relationship can effect every aspect of your daily life if you do not deal with them appropriately. By following a few common sense steps to getting over your heartache, you will eventually find yourself feeling a little bit better every day and will soon be ready to start looking for a new partner. Remember, no matter how badly you might be feeling right now, nearly everyone has been in your shoes before, and recovering from heartache is simply a part of life. Here are some of the best ways to rebuild your confidence and move on from your last relationship.

Avoid Communicating with Your Old Flame

While it would be great if all former lovers could remain being great friends once their relationship came to a close, the truth of the matter is that staying in touch with your ex when you still have romantic feelings for him or her can make it nearly impossible to move forward. If necessary, have a honest conversation with the person and let them know that you simply cannot continue speaking with them for a little while. This might be a little bit tricky if your work with the person or share the same circle of friends, but it is well worth your effort to sever all ties until you regain your confidence.

Get It Out of Your System

In order to regain your sense of confidence, you are going to have to start by being honest with how you really feel about what you are going through. It is no use pretending that you are not feeling hurt and depressed in order to try to appear strong to everyone. Find a friend or family member that you can count on and spill your heart out. Some of the best ways to start feeling better is to express yourself through writing about your feelings, expressing yourself in art or participating in competitive sports. Once you have gotten everything off your chest, you will find that it is much easier to start moving forward.

Take Pride in Your Appearance

Once you are done wallowing in your own misery, it’s time to get yourself cleaned up. Ladies might start feeling better about themselves after a visit or two to the salon, while guys need to consider losing that post-breakup beard and pulling themselves together. Take out those clothes that you know that you look good in, or, better yet, head out to your favorite clothing store for some new threads.

Strut Thyself

Nothing will help you regain your confidence like receiving some positive signals from strangers. Visit your favorite hot spots and make yourself seem available. With the right body language and eye contact, people will start letting you know that you are the hot stuff that you know you are. Don’t be afraid to engage with people in a little bit of harmless flirting, even if you do not intend on letting things get anywhere. The more that you notice that people are interested in you, the better that you will feel about yourself.

Due to the death of a spouse or divorce, it is not uncommon to be alone at some point during the second half of life. People who find themselves in this situation may eventually begin to long for romance and companionship but this is not the time to be swept away by emotion. Finding a suitable mate should be approached logically and with caution. This is where online dating services are useful, providing the ability to narrow the field easily, safely and comfortably.

Of the many online dating sites from which to choose, some simply provide a place to connect with others at no charge. Unlike free dating sites, fee-based services usually provide matching based on many variables such as preferences and interests. At this stage of life, most people want to meet others with whom they are assured some level of compatibility. In the interest of time, it is wise to use a paid service that provides potential matches based on specific criteria.

When pursuing online dating, whether during the profile completion phase or later on during initial contact with potential matches, keep the following points in mind:

Honesty – It is normal to present oneself in the best possible light. Unfortunately, this tendency can lead to misrepresentation or misunderstanding. Beware of overstatements. Avoid making them and be wary if the other party seems too good to be true. Also, keep in mind that being honest does not require disclosure of personal information. Keep your personal information private until you feel completely comfortable sharing.

Clarity – Know what you are looking for ahead of time. Make a list of desired qualities so that you can effectively focus your search. Also make a list of deal breakers and stick to it. Some things are just not negotiable and that’s okay. It is better to determine early on whether a potential match is a viable option rather than wasting valuable time on a relationship with no future.

Safety – As online dating requires contact with complete strangers, be vigilant when it comes to safety. There is no guaranteed way to know ahead of time the true personality or motives of potential matches. While it is assumed that they are just like you and simply seeking romance and companionship, it is best to be safe. Until you know the person well, communicate through the dating site and stay on a first name only basis. During the early stages of getting to know someone, meet in public places and do not divulge your address, phone number, place of work or any other personal information.

Compatibility – Seek to determine early on whether you and a potential match are compatible. Just like you, the people you meet will already be set in their ways. In addition, each person is a package deal that may come with pets, kids, grandkids, health issues and a variety of personal habits or idiosyncrasies. Ensure that there is mutual comfort with the individual packages that are being presented.

Everyone’s obsessed by sex and many feel they not wanting to jump in to bed with their partner is not normal.

The reality is not feeling sexual desire is perfectly normal as the body ages, according to the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy (BASRT).

So next time you would rather sit in front of the telly with a nice cup of tea dunking a digestive, don’t ask yourself wants wrong, congratulate yourself for acting your age.

Many older couples in relationships are happy to have a lovey-dovey mate rather than a full-on sexy partner.

Sometimes the mind’s willing but the body’s weak

Companionship and shared interests are more important later in life.

Of course, having a sex drive is not wrong and many older couples have a perfectly satisfying time in bed – but probably not quite so frequently as before.

In a lot of cases the mind’s willing but the body’s weak, as aches and pains take their toll and reduce agility.

It’s only when you feel age that you realise that you can’t dance the night away any more with a toy boy or trophy girl half your age.

A lot of older singles looking for romance try and compete with a younger generation to recapture lost youth, but for many, this just brings disappointment and frustration because they just can’t keep up with the pace.

Growing old disgracefully

You can still grow old disgracefully and have a lot of fun along the way. Just trying cruising in second gear rather than racing away at full speed.

“Certainly people in relationships are expected to want to have sex with each other frequently and it can be difficult if their levels of desire don’t match up.,” says BASRT.

“First of all it is important to remember that sexual feelings ebb and flow over time and it perfectly common to have periods of lower and higher desire.

If you don’t feel desire over a long period of time it is worth asking yourself whether this really bothers you. “

So next time your nudged or messaged by a bronzed cliff diver who enjoys gymnastics, put the kettle on before you reply.

Singles new to online dating often have the same fears and doubts over meeting people online and the safety of their personal data because some of the over 50s are not so familiar with the internet as youngsters. Here are some answers to the questions many ask:

I face to face relationships, why should I try online dating?

Like most things, this is down to personal choice. Lots of people find online dating lets them meet others from the comfort, convenience and safety of their home and means they can get to know and trust other singles before that first so-important meeting. Don’t forget online life is not a replacement for real life.

Is my personal information safe with an online dating site?

This is one of the top worries for people of all ages, including the over 50s, looking for friendship online. Providing the site has secure payment and data access, you should have no problems. The usual online advice applies, the same as dating in real life, like not giving out personal information to strangers or not sending them credit card details.

Am I likely to meet someone I like online?

The chances are likely, according to regular online dating surveys, including an independent Which? survey of 1504 online dating users, including many over 50s looking for friendship, love and romance online, seven out of 10 (71%) said either they or a friend had gone on a date with someone they had met online. One in six said they had started a long-term relationship with a partner they met online.

Just treat online dating like fun and act the same as if you were out with friends.

Do I need a dating profile?

Yes. Lots of singles check out likely friends from their profile photo and details. Spend a while refining your profile and you must post a clear and up to date photo. A good profile and photo will screen out people who are not interested and make sure that those who are looking for someone like you don’t miss you. Keep your profile up-to-the-minute, and don’t say things about yourself that are not true because you will be caught out in the end.

I’m new to online dating – how do I talk to someone I like?

Many online dating sites like Love Generations have email and emoticons – little graphics showing smiles, kisses, winks and other signals – that you can send to someone to break the ice. Chat rooms also let you ‘wispa’ someone you like with a private comment, like whispering to them in real life.

Getting back in to the dating game can be difficult for some singles after divorce or the break up of a long relationship.

One of the main ‘social’ services offered by online dating is sites like Love Generations offers someone who is vulnerable and fearful of rejection a safe haven for meeting new people.

For many, with established support groups of friends, neighbours and family, it’s difficult to date and be themselves while living in a goldfish bowl.

In the back of a singleton’s mind are several fears –

* Will your friend or relation report your dating activities back to other people you know?

* Will they try and exert peer pressure by approving your new relationships?

* Do you really want to reveal your innermost secrets to someone who knows your friends and family?

Even if you would like a romance with someone in your circle, all these fears are off-putting to say the least.

Online dating rids your mind of these fears and lets singles be themselves. Not only that, but it’s likely many of the people you meet online are also enduring the same experience, so you have a better understanding of each other.

Don’t interpret this as advice to ditch your old circle if you are divorced or single again. The idea is to broaden your circle of friends with online dating while maintaining your privacy and self-respect, not to get rid of your old relationships.

Online dating does allow you to be the ‘you’ that you want to be, not everyone else’s idea of what you should be.

Try some stepping out in to some new activities that you have had to put aside while bringing up your family. Throw out those old clothes and spruce up your look.

The freedom to express you with likeminded people by dispelling those fears of approval and rejection is what online dating brings in to the lives of many people.

So sign up and see what Love Generations can offer you. After all, the gains could be huge and you really have nothing to lose.